I'm quite a big fan of the British motoring magazine, Top Gear. Sure, it's not the most detailed magazine of all, but its blend of stunning photography, great graphics and witty writing makes it excellent reading material (and of course, who can forget the great Jeremy Clarkson, who has his own column in it). So when I heard that someone was going to create a Malaysian version of it last year, I couldn't wait. Then that someone turned out to be Donald Cheah...

Before Top Gear Malaysia, Donald was the usual Malaysian motoring mag editor - average, and frankly very dull. But when such a big name came to his hands he obviously had to do something to stand out from the crowd. And he did.

As a result, TGM isn't so much a motoring mag as a men's mag with a few car reviews in it. Of course, quite a bit of what makes the original great is still in it, but the rest is a total letdown.

Let's start with the adverts. Normally, this wouldn't be an issue, but in TGM there's so many of them that it simply becomes annoying. Yes, the original also relies heavily on ads, but at least they were car ads. Flip through a copy of TGM, on the other hand, and all you see are watches... watches... more watches... men's clothing... men's fragrances... men's undies (!)... even more watches...

Then there's a problem with a section of Top Gear called - creatively enough - Top Gear. This is one of the more likable sections in the original as it is essentially a collection of really, really cool automobile-related merchandise (like watches, jackets, toys and the like), complete with great (and sometimes hilarious) descriptions. In the Malaysian edition, however, the entire collection is replaced with - you guessed it - men's stuff. Clothes, fragrances, phones, computers, belts, ties, wallets, briefcases, pens, cufflinks, rings, teddy bears (eh?) - you name it, they have it, the list goes on. Even more annoyingly though, almost all of them have absolutely zilch to do with cars. And just to make the section even less appealing, the descriptions look to have been written by a ten-year-old one afternoon.

Amazingly, you think, they've left out the watches. You let out a huge sigh of relief, only to turn a few pages and find out that Donald Duck really did have a watch fetish after all.

THERE'S AN ENTIRE SECTION DEVOTED TO WATCHES.

OH MY GOD.

YOU CAN'T BE BLOODY SERIOUS. YOU JUST CAN'T.

Yes, it's only a small section. Yes, I was overreacting. But Donald, this is a car magazine! Stop diluting it! You're only gonna make it worse! If I was in the market for a watch I'd have gotten a men's mag instead so please, STOP IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTT!!!

And then things get really bad. They loped-off the Lifers (i.e. long-termers) section. For those not familiar with the concept of long-term testing, it's basically about a group of the staff of the magazine (writers, photographers, editors, etc.) who are each given cars to live with for a long period of time (usually a year) and asked to write on their thoughts of their cars every month. It's a great concept, since it tests things (like reliability and customer service) that usually cannot be evaluated in a usual, short review. But obviously, the Malaysian team must have decided that, since local car companies would never loan cars for that long a time and that the Brits only test foreign cars in their own country's conditions, it doesn't deserve a place in the mag. And that is a great shame.

If you've seen all that and still want to read the Malaysian-made articles, do proceed with caution. Because there are problems there too.

I'll start with the pictures. Phtography in Malaysian car mags are usually well below par. TGM improves upon this, but it still lags horribly behind Getacar, which is easily the local magazine with the best photography.

Then there's Donald Cheah's writing. It's typical of most local scribes - boring. He does improve upon arriving at TGM, but it's still a bit anodyne.

That wouldn't be so bad if he had a team of much better writers to back him up. But the only other writer in his stable is Ben Tan and to be honest, he's even worse. Much, much worse. Reading his articles is a bit like watching a Windows computer start up.

It truly is page after page of eye-drying boredom.

And this leads to the crux of the problem with TGM. Most publications can get away with monotonous writing because the foreign magazines they're based on aren't really known for their bunch of entertaining writers. But Top Gear UK is, and this is where the local team falls the hardest.

And they still make mistakes that should never happen. I'd like to direct this one in particular to Ben Tan - how incredibly stupid can your Mathematics teacher be before he/she can make you think that a RM69,888 Suzuki Swift "easily undercuts" a RM65k Proton Waja?

Last but not least, there's parent company Astro's approach to censorship. Yes, Top Gear isn't the magazine out there with the cleanest language and sure, there's the obvious stuff to asterisk. But just to show how narrow-minded they are, turn to the last page. This is the Campaign for Real Racing Drivers section. On the original, there's a badge that says, "Sex: Breakfast of Champions" on the top left. They removed it from the Malaysian version. Enough said.