This is what I had to deal with last week. A tectonic-plate-slow Streamyx and a kaput WiFi. It's infuriating, to be honest, to try to use a computer without any sort of Internet connection whatsoever. I've lost count on the number of time I've forgotten this fact and opened Safari (Apple's standard Internet browser) only to be slapped in the face with the message "Safari can't open the page...blah blah blah". A call to TM had them sort out (i.e. make marginally less slow) the connection speed, but trying to massage the white Netgear wireless router to actually communicate with the Mac proved more time consuming.
Lots of prodding and browsing the manual diagnosed the problem - the router was inadvertently reset, deleting all the information needed to connect to the Internet. On Netgear routers, this information would have to be put back before wireless connectivity would be re-enabled. A few minutes of typing in the ISP details and putting up with a dependable-if-predictably-slow 5-year-old Dell and wireless internet was for everyone in the house to enjoy. I was understandably proud, to say the least. Bill Gates, eat your heart out.
Now, if you know me you might think I'm only interested in cars. Well, you're damn right. And obviously, being a car addict and just turned 17 I wanted to get a driving license. So two weeks ago I went for the Driver's Education Curriculum class in Nilai. This is a mandatory 5-hour course that is basically a prep for the theory exam. As expected, it covers everything from road signs to accident factors to demerit points. What I didn't expect, however, was the lecturer who goes by the name of Victor. While effective at teaching, he was an oddball, a Mr Thong of sorts. I mean, he started the class by introducing not only himself, but the rest of his family as well. And being from a race that originated from the land of Bollywood, his verbal and body language was nothing if not dramatic. He is, in short, a bit scary. If you see him as your lecturer, run.
A week after that decidedly haunting experience, I decided to put everything Victor taught me to the test. Literally. Because I had to go to Kinrara to sit for the theory exam. An objective paper (well, not exactly "paper", since the whole thing is computerised), it consisted of 50 questions divided into three parts. The first 15 questions are all about road signs, while the next 25 questions tested driving skills and ethics. The final 10 questions, on the other hand, ask about stress and the highway code, including driving licenses and demerit points. The best thing is, every one of those questions is a random selection from 500 preset questions. And they're all in a book that would be given to you. Together with all the answers.
Simple, you may think. I thought so too. Until a slight distraction in the form of my 10-year-old cousin staying overnight meant that even after all my efforts, I still couldn't finish studying for the test the night before. Under-prepared is an understatement.
So I arrived at Kinrara at about 8:30 (after hastily studying on the way there), expecting the whole issue to be done rather quickly. It turned out not to be.
You may have waited in a government building before. You might even think you feel my pain. But I'm afraid not. Yes, waiting in the government building is always an excruciatingly long process, but waiting in a government building for an exam? Frankly, I'd rather have done the exam in the Samad toilet. And there was no use to study - for me, the more I try to study at school on exam day, the more I forget. To make matters worse, I didn't carry my PSP with me. And I got a really bad cold. Enough said.
So, bored, irritated, unprepared and suffering from an increasingly leaky nose, I was finally let into the exam room at 10:30, worried that I'd actually flunk it.
And promptly came out again.
Soon afterwards, the blokes at the desk produced the results slip (very SPM-ish, no?). It read like this:
Best of all though, was the time taken: 10 minutes 23 seconds. Sticking to the motoring theme of this post, that means that in around the time it takes for Jeremy Clarkson to complete a full lap around the Nürburgring Nordschleife in a Jaguar S-Type (diesel, granted), I did 50 questions. That's even faster than EST.
Yes, I didn't get full score, but hell, I was happy.
With the result in the bag, I took the next step towards obtaining a license, which was to attend a workshop. Another mandatory course, it is split into two sessions - a three-hour theory (indoor) session and a three-hour practical (outdoor) one. The first session is similar to the first class I attended, but focused more on driving. But of course, being the JPJ, we had to wait. Again. This time though, I learnt my lesson and carried my PSP with me, so it wasn't so bad.
After quite a while they finally sent out an lecturer. And of course, being in the JPJ, he was Malay. What was funny, though, was the jacket he was wearing. It was black, with a JPJ insignia on one side. And on the other (like as if they'd sponsor them) was a cheap Nike iron-on badge. I had to twist my face to stop laughing it off.
Fake badges aside though, he was at least relatively funny, and much better than Victor. Even going so far as to make fun of his name, Hamdan. Which, in Cantonese is - of course - salted egg.
After this, it was time for the practical. No, I haven't been able to drive a car yet. At least legally. Anyway, this session was just to show the various parts of the engine bay, as well as to demonstrate changing tyres, using an actual Kancil as a volunteer. However, the bloke who taught us, Zul, forbid us blokes from participating in the session and relegated us to the seats instead, because it would be "too easy for the guys". So he let the girls participate.
Now that would be fine if they were actually smart. Instead, we had to sit there in frustration as the they tried to differentiate between a radiator and an oil dipstick (bearing in mind this was all taught just a few hours ago during theory). At least we got to choose which girl to embarrass.
Still, it all went well. After yet more waiting, we were let home. Now that I'm waiting for my L license, the next stage is, of course, driving. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'll be using the internet. Wireless broadband is fantastic, isn't it?
