Don't play with your veggies, kids...

The sexual assault and murder of eight-year-old Nurin Jazlin Jazimin, so brutally carried out, has shook the nation. Over the past week, mouths have chattered about the high-profile crime commited by the anonymous sadist. The abuse dished onto the poor girl was so perverse, so sickening, reading it in the newspapers alone makes even the most impersonal stomachs churn.

The entire ordeal started a month ago, when Nurin went missing after going to buy hairclips alone. Nothing surfaced until earlier this week, where a bag was deposited in front of a book distribution company. The boss of said company opened the bag and - shock, horror - found a naked, tormented body stuffed in it.

The face was bashed so far beyond recognition that her parents initially refused to accept her as their daughter - as far removed from the bubbly Nurin as you can possibly get.

Still, DNA results don't lie, and the couple finally succumbed to the reality that they will never see their baby alive again.

The body had bruises all over, and there were (this is the most horrid part) a brinjal and a cucumber still stuck in her private parts.

What has the nation come to? Bodies in a fridge, bodies blown up and now bodies crammed into a minuscule bag - have we really become cold-blooded monsters? Have we really gotten so empty of any humane feeling as to leave our assault weapons (modest vegetables, no less) deep in our victims' vaginas and anuses, just waiting to be discovered? Do we really leave the bodies in public, under a security camera in broad daylight in a deliberate attempt to show the world how powerful we are? Clearly then, the world is officially unsafe.

So parents, NEVER leave your kids unattended, and kids, STICK to your parents. And whatever you do, NEVER, EVER TRUST STRANGERS TO YOUR KIDS. Unless that stranger happens to be me.

OK, that was so lame.

And if you happen to read this, you sick pervert, you better not let me see you. Because I would make it my personal mission to hunt you down. And believe me, the whole nation will follow.