D for drive, N for neutral, R for reverse, P for panic.

I hate parking.

I hate, hate, hate, hate, hate parallel parking.

Trying to place your car into a space barely big enough to fit it is bad enough. Add a big drop by the side (also known as a drain) or a curb and the experience is diabolical.

I can drive on the road almost well enough, but once I get to my destination and the only parking spots available are those of the parallel variety, panic sets in and I need help.

For one, I'm sitting on the right side of the car and about as far away from the parking bay as I can get without being outside the car, so judging distances is a Herculean effort all by itself. And then there's the problem with driving the car into the said parking bay.

You see, to be able to fit into the space available you have to turn left into the space ridiculously early. So you'll almost certainly whack into the car behind the space before you actually set a wheel into that space.

Then, still turning left, you have to drive ridiculously far in before turning right. Which means you'll almost certainly fall into the drain or clip the curb.

And then you have to actually turn right to fit into the space. Which means you'll almost certainly drive into the car in front.

And then you have to reverse to straighten the car. Which means you'll almost certainly back into the car you'd almost certainly have hit earlier.

And if, after all that, you still haven't fit in to the space (which is almost a certainty), you have to drive out to try again. And that almost certainly means you'd add another dent into the car in front. And so it goes on.

Of course, it's a bit easier if you reverse into the space. But of course, as this is Malaysia, by the time you've shifted into reverse, there'd almost certainly be a line of cars an inch behind your rear bumper. Which means you'd almost certainly reverse into the car behind.

Before I got my hands on a licence, I used to think that everyone should know how to park and those who don't are idiots. But now I know I was wrong. It's virtually impossible.